| Its been a week since we lost the baby, and oh what a week it has been. Really it all started two saterdays ago. I knew something was wrong. I called the doctor and after a fairly long conversation she told me really it was nothing I was over reacting just a simple UTI no biggie. I tried to convince myself she was right (she is the doctor after all) and I had worse with Enya so I really just tried to relax. After the worst night of sleep in my life, I really didnt think the doctor was right, but I then convinced myself that I was just overtied and again overreacting. After a few hours of having a knawing feeling in my stomach I called the doctor back. She again tried to convince me it was a UTI, but I FINALLY convinced the women that a trip to the ER wouldnt hurt. So I sat in the ER... alone for the first few hours... got checked in and sat and waited in my room for the doctor. The doctor never came. A nurse from the lab came and took about 7 tubes of blood, I of course asked her to explain all of them to me since I was a little confused that the docotr was ordering blood work without even comming in to talk to me about what was going on. Luckly the nurse was a very nice lady and humored me. About 2.5-3 hours later a nurse walked in my room with my blood test results. The first words out of her mouth (I kid you not) were "Did you know you were pregnant?" Umm yea lady thats kinda why im here. At this point I had STILL not seen the doctor but he did decided that a urine test was apperntly more important then an ultrasound so I did that test, only for it to come back normal (which by the way I did tell the nurse who took the sample that it would, but again what do I know Im not a doctor) When we got that test back I finally met the man who had been "treating" me for the last several hours and he, like all the rest of the people in the hospital told me that me and my baby were fine and that he was going to send me home. Luckly, I refused to leave with out an ultrasound (whcih I by the way thought was standard procedure for a women who was bleeding during pregnancy, but again what do I know Im not a doctor) The saving grace of this visit was my angel of a ultrasound technician. I really do think that I was ment to have her that night, and all the other times I had her. I dont know how I would have gotten through all this with out her. She took me in and got me ready and put the probe to my stomach. Instantly I knew that the awful knawing feeling in the pit of my stomach had been right. It didnt look like before, and she could not find a heart beat, bless the lady because she tried for what seemed like an eternity and tried every way she could and every trick in the book. Then she went and compared the images to all the other images and told me it didnt look good. I love this woman for the fact that she will tell me what is going on when she does my tests. Any other technician Ive EVER had any time I ask a question all I ever get is I can really answer that you'll have to ask your doctor when he gets the results. Now at least I had an answer, not the answer I in any way wanted, but an answer. I then had to break the news to my husband, and all the family. The next day (monday) was a pretty crappy day, but that night was horrible. I called my drs office since the er said I should be seen that day, but of course they could not find any of my test results from the night before and couldnt get me in untill later in the week. I had been having mild pains all day. That evening I had, wha I thought at the time, the worst pains Id ever had in my entire life. I called the doctors back and the lady assured me that there was nothing that could be done I was going to labor my baby. I took the pain medicine she told me I could take, and went to bed. The next morning I woke up and I felt fine, I acctualy felt the best I had been feeling in a few days, so I thought that the worst was behind me I could finally greive the loss of my child and move foward. I took Shane to work, then went to my moms so that I could take my brothers senior pictures that afternoon. Sometime around 2 I started to feel little pains again, I thought nothing of it and took more pain medicine just incase so it didnt get worse... but it did get worse, a lot worse. THIS was in fact the worse pain I had EVER had in my life. EVER. I took more pain med hoping it would calm it down, it didnt touch it. I tried a hot shower... didnt even phase it. Finally I decided that it was time to call the doctor. He had me come to the er immidatly. Luckly the ER got me right in and didnt have me sitting in the waiting room. After 7 nurses they finally got an IV in me and got me some pain meds. After that things are kind of mushy... the pain meds worked really well. The OB dr came down and told me he was checking my cervix and if I was dialated he would do the D&C that night... if not I would have to stay and wait untill morning (at this point I didnt care what they did I was feeling pretty good...) As it turns out I was fully dialated so he attempted the procdure in the ER but thanks to my odd body, he needed to do it in an OR. Really this was for the best because the procdure itself REALLY bothered me. I didnt realy want to even do it... but thats a whole diffrent story. Eventuraly they got me in the OR did the procedure and then I had a mental breakdown in the recovery room. I ended up staying over in the hospital and my totaly awesome husband never left my side, not even to eat or go to the bathroom. It has now been a week, and its been quite a bumpy road. I bounce back and forth between being fine, and on the verge of a complete mental break. Enya seems to have an understanding of everything, but wants me to get another baby in my tummy. My follow up at the doctors office was a total joke and landed me into "mandatory" counciling. Appernlty crying after loosing a baby is NOT allowed. And, if one more person uses the phrase "pregnancy matter" in front of me, I may acctualy blow up a building. Its just hard to believe that we have lost our second baby in less then a year. I cant understand how a few weeks ago my baby was healthy and now its gone. These are the last images I will ever see of him. 
Now, I will just have to add them, the baby blanket onsie positive test hospital papers and insrance cards to my stuff I have saved from last time. It seems that Im going to need a bigger box... |
